Ultrarunner or Porn Star?

Jacket and a sweater? Ron's going to overheat.

We say some funny stuff out on the trail, and seeing as I possess the sense of humor of a 14 year old, I compiled a list of double entendres (I'd like to double her entendre) at the breakfast table on Sunday morning. Enjoy, and feel free to add to the list of Who Said It, Ultrarunner or Porn Star?

• I'm running low on fluid. 
• I've got some serious chafing going on "down there."
• You started way too fast. 
• I need to sit for 5 minutes, then I'll be ready to go again. 
• Do you have any extra baby wipes. 
• I just dropped a big load by that bush. 
• Nobody told me it was going to be this hard. 
• That's too salty.
• It's too long...I have to stop.
• I just sprained my ankle (okay, that's only a runner thing, I think, unless you're really twisted).

And my favorite...

• Lube up, it's going to get nasty.

Thanks for reading, and the answer is Ultrarunner. Get your mind out of the gutter, but before you do...share some of your own running double entendres in the comments.

30 Miles in the San Jacinto Mountains

It was a tough day. Hardest run I've been on in awhile, and I have whole grab-bag of excuses to choose from including, but not limited to: my legs are still feeling Miwoky, I've been subsisting on a diet fit for a Hindu ascetic, going from sea level to 11,000 feet, and trying to keep up with Chris.


Fortunately, the scenery and the weather were beautiful and the company was entertaining. Even though this was not a race, I'm currently compiling a result sheet for Ultrasignup.com, but unfortunately Chris' time will be docked due to illegal off-trail passing. Injinji/Eliptigo athlete Angela Shartel maintains a high-percentage ranking mostly due to her bowling skills. Jess gets a bump because he ran on a broken toe, and I was docked some time due to excessive rest stops.

Really, all I wanted to do when I got home was eat a hamburger and drink a beer, so I ate some portabella mushroom tacos and drank a lemon Perrier. Not the same.

Here, look at some pretty pictures.

21 Day Cleanse Update -- Day 3

Well, I've been off meat, sugar, gluten, caffeine and alcohol for 3 days now, and the changes have been amazing. I have tons of energy, the sex has been amazing, I ran track yesterday morning and set my mile PR doing mile repeats, and I rarely pass gas, but when I do, it smells like a mixture of baby powder and freshly picked lavender.

Just kidding, but I have been shitting...a lot.

I've had a 3-day headache, the energy has really dipped, especially during the above-mentioned track workout where I was lapped a couple of times during mile repeats. As for the sex, my wife has been "busy" catching up on old Walking Dead episodes (and with the way I've felt over the last couple of days, I kind of expect to hear "we've got a walker" followed by a Daryl-launched arrow through my eye-socket).

I know, this is just the detox period and my body is getting rid of toxins, blah, blah, blah, go ahead and write that in the comments. I dare you.

Here is a journal of what I have been eating.

Day 1:
Lunch: kitchen sink salad with sprouts, beets, carrots, chickpeas and avocados
Dinner: homemade sopes (it's like a big, thick corn tortilla cake) with refried beans, and guacamole

Day 2:
Breakfast: oatmeal with crushed almonds and dates
Lunch: kale, ginger, and sesame rice bowl at Native Foods with a hot date
Dinner: baghali polo (Persian dish with rice, lima beans, and dill with saffron carrots and onions on top)

Day 3:
Breakfast: Kind granola with almond milk
Lunch: Chickpea Indian curry over brown rice (this was really good, bought from Sprouts)

Snacks: USANA's Go Nuts n Berries Bar (these have saved me), post-run shake (almond milk, bananas, chia seeds, and cacao nibs), Inka corn nuts, and chips and salsa.

It's not really that bad. I'm starting to feel normal, my energy has come back, and the food has actually been good, although I detected a tear fall from my wife's eyes as she served the Persian dish without any meat. Luckily, she decided to join me on the 3-week cleanse; I just feel sorry for our kids.

Thanks for reading.

21 Day Cleanse

Some of my better decisions have been made in the haze of a lingering hangover. I drank too much last night, and that second helping garlic bread has formed a salt/butter/wheat ball in my stomach, so after my second cup of coffee, I've decided to embark on a 21 day cleanse.

I have been proud of not denying myself food/alcohol/desserts. In fact, this past weekend, I was having a conversation with someone dressed as Michael Jackson, or maybe it was Spicoli or Madonna; it was definitely someone at Kara's Awesome 80s Prom Party. After a few good beers and a couple of glasses of something called cucumber lemonade (pretty sure there was something other than cucumbers and lemonade). I was explaining about how good food and good beer go with running, and how I would never deprive myself because, well, that's part of the reason I run so much. It's a good theory, especially as told to a white(r) Michael Jackson while steadying myself with one hand grasping the counter and another holding a Sculpin, but right now, after a week of post-race binge eating and drinking, I'm feeling the effects, I think in modern medical terminology, this condition is known as bad humours.'

I'm a firm believer in moderation. I don't believe in the (insert the shake/fruit/fad of the month here) diets, but I do know that I need a break from the overindulgence of the past few months.

I'm using this site as a guide and I'm committed to removing the following from my diet for the next 21 days:

Sugar

Alcohol

Caffeine

Animal Products

Gluten

Everyone does a before and after shot for these things, right? Here's mine.

Part of me just sees this as a challenge, something to test my willpower, and that's the main reason I'm posting this. I figure if I put it out there, I will be more accountable and more likely to follow through with the test.

I'll try to post a weekly update on my progress, and if I don't, just picture me like this:

I also pledge to not preach about this, mainly because I hate being told what and how to eat, except if the advice is from a fruitarian, but just because...fruitarian.

Miwok

Photo credit: Glenn Tachiyama

When I heard the news that the Miwok 100K had been cut to a 60K because of fire danger, I wasn't very disappointed. I guess there is some unwritten rule that a shortened course is bad news, but to be honest, I was okay with it. I had woken up at 3 AM to get to Stinson Beach by 4, and the start time was changed to 8. I tried my best to sleep in the car while the hardworking race director and volunteers did what they needed to do to re-organize the course on short notice. They did a remarkable job.

I told myself before the start that even though the race had been cut short, 60K was still a lot of Ks and I should resist the temptation to run fast at the beginning. So, I lined up with the elites and bounded up the stairs of the steep Dipsea Trail. I've never been good at listening to advice.

The hills caught up to me and I realized I wasn't running a 5K, so I slowed it down and really tried to enjoy the day. The views were amazing. The last time I was on the course was to pace my friend Jeremy a couple of years ago on a foggy and rainy day. I kept hearing about how stunning the views were, if only you could see them. This year I saw them, clear skies and smooth trails overlooking San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge, rugged coastline, single track winding through sequoia forests, and steep stairs on the famous Dipsea Trail. I don't want to bust out too many superlatives, but the scenery on the Miwok course was breathtaking (I would even go as far as calling it mind bottling).

Speaking of breathtaking

I did my fair share of talking out on the course, but it seems that most of the people that I was around were pushing really hard due to the shortened course, and that, combined with the heat, made for a lot of struggle. There also seemed to be a lot of racing out there. I know that sounds weird, but some races don't really feel like races, they feel like spending time with friends on the trail, getting to know people and bonding through the pain. This felt like a race, and that's not necessarily a good thing. That probably sounds kind of stupid, because I signed up for a race, so I'll just leave it at that (before I start to sound like an old, whiny ultrarunner...oops, too late).

A few of the highlights of the day included bacon at the Tennessee Valley aid station (thanks Vanessa) and the last three (downhill) miles of the Dipsea Trail. I didn't really know what to expect time-wise from a 60K, so I figured 7 hours would be a good target to shoot for. I finished in 6:47, so I was pretty happy about that, too.

I'm definitely ready to take a break from racing for awhile and I'm very excited to start doing some more specific training for the John Muir Trail where I'll be racing Jess Downer.

Finish line bliss courtesy of Lagunitas Brewing

Thanks for reading.